Today's jokes [7.24.07]

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A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to
do something about my husband -- he thinks he's a refrigerator!" 

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies.
"Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass." 

"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps
with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."

These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is
barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is
looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on
someone's front lawn.

"Look", he shouts "What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?"
The passenger, being a man of the world, replies "They are having sex.
Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?"

The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex
doggie style. So the passenger says, "You have to try it. Its pretty
cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife
a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual
position."

The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a
try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the
passenger asks, "Well, how did it go?" To which the driver replies, "It was
great.
But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn."

Conversation over dinner:

 WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
 MAN:   Definitely not!
 WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
 MAN:   Of course I do.
 WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
 MAN:   Okay, I'd get married again.
 WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
 MAN:   (makes audible groan)
 WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
 MAN:   Where else would we sleep?
 WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with
        pictures of her?
 MAN:   That would seem like the proper thing to do.
 WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
 MAN:   She can't use them; she's left-handed.
 WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
 MAN:   Oh Shit.

Q: What does a man and a floor have in common?
   A: You lay them right the first time you can walk all over them 
forever!! 

Two men are meeting on the street.
"It was very cold this morning."
"How cold was it?"
I do not no exactly, but I saw a lawyer
with his hands in his own pockets."

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