Today's jokes [7.23.07]

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   Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and
   sneered, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
   
   The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was in
   love and didn't really notice."

   A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the
   house. He got the outside.

A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen 
floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! 
I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, 
"Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits." 

   A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the
   first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens,
   cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the
   nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to
   amuse him with.
   
   Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the
   dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with
   enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
   
   After a few hours, the nephew returned.
   
   "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
   
   "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
   

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly 
stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's 
absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi 
went to see him. 

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How 
come after all these years we don't see you at services 
anymore?"

The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, 
Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to 
take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. 
So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about 
me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

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