Today's jokes [7.20.07]

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This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic
walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his
lustful desires rise to a fever pitch.
He is just about to put the  hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't
mind but I'm busting to have a piss".
Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why
don't you go behind these bushes".
She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.
As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling
down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.
Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through
a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his
hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long,
thick appendage hanging between her legs.
He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!".
"No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another 
razor. 

"Why?"  asked the barber, "Is there something wrong with this 
one?"

"I don't know." replied the customer. "But I would appreciate a 
chance to defend myself."

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest 
in his paintings on display at that time. 

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good 
news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and 
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When 
I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad 
news?"

"The guy was your doctor."

A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He 
inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to
go to 225 West 42nd St. 
By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being 
met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him. 
She directed him to an examining room and told him to uncover and someone 
would be with him soon. 
He loved the thought of the table and the reclining chair and was really 
getting aroused because of the strange and different approach this house 
offered. 
Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous redhead entered and 
found him sitting in the chair with his generous member in his hand. 
"My goodness", she exclaimed, "I was expecting to see a foot." 
"Well," he said, "if you're going to complain about an inch then I'll take 
my business elsewhere."

What do you call an honest lawyer?

An oxymoron.

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