Today's jokes [7.15.07]

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Have you ever smelled moth balls? 

     - How did you get their little legs apart? 

How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?

He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were
popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red 
blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from 
back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker 
kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll 
give you $10 for a blow job."
The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the 
city slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for 
defendin' mah honor!" Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, 
"Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in 
Texas!"

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport.  After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an 
announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this 
is your captain speaking.  Welcome to Flight Number 293, 
nonstop from New York to Los Angeles.  The weather ahead is 
good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful 
flight.  Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD!"

Silence.

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies 
and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I 
was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and 
spilled the hot coffee in my lap.  You should see the front of my 
pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing.  He should see the 
back of mine!"

   A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours
   to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long
   cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only
   had 24 hours to live.
   
   "Of course Darling," she replied.
   
   And so they have sex.
   
   Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again and
   says, "you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do
   it again?"
   
   Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
   
   Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He
   taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only
   have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"
   
   By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
   
   After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps
   her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering
   you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it
   one more time?"
   
   She turns to him with a sour look on her face and says, "You
   know....... you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!"
   

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