Today's jokes [7.13.07]

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   What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in Spring
   training.

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a
wasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough,
she panics.

The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat
on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he
makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining
her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps so
he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out
by putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as he
feels the wasp.

And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife's
screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the general
panic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor says
he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object.

Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, so
the doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and
instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the
wife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with
vigour.

The husband shouts, "What the hell's happening?" To which
the doctor replies, "Change of plan. I'm going to drown the
bastard!!!

   Little Johnny

   A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny
   answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, 
   "little boy is your mother home?" Little Johnny taps his ash on the
   carpet and says, "what do you think?"
   

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a 
fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary 
money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a 
turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the 
public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.

He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and 
after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth 
owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he 
had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was 
a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the 
drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead 
a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered 
off into the crowd.

An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than 
before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the 
drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was 
given another turtle.

Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third 
attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in 
the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three 
times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time 
there was an onlooker with good eyesight."That's fantastic", the 
man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"

The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to 
the target and inspecting it closely.

"Yes, sir!", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic! 
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this 
magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!"

"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me 
another one of those little crusty meat pies!"

Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversy
on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not
considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

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