Today's jokes [7.10.07]

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It is common for draftsmen to sprinkle SCUMEX (powdered rubber
eraser) on tracings prior to doing any drawing on it. This reduces
smearing of the pencil marks and such and results in a cleaner
tracing.

At a former employers we had replaced the Scumex at one draftsmans
desk with dried parmesian cheese. It looked about the same. It was
extremely interesting watching him draw for a while and then begin
to smell the paper. Took the poor dude almost 10 minutes to guess
that he had been gigged!

   Three lawyers met at an upscale nightspot for drinks one Friday night,
   got real plastered and met with unfortunate results on their way home.
   On Saturday, they were comparing notes during a round of golf.
   
   Lawyer 1 said he had gotten so drunk that he became disoriented and
   was very sick. When he arrived home he said that he was in such bad
   shape that he even blew chunks.
   
   Lawyer 2 said he thought he had an even worse experience. He lost
   control of his new BMW and totaled it by driving it into a utility
   pole. Fortunately, he wasn't injured in the crash.
   
   Lawyer 3 claimed his experience was the worst. He said when he got
   home his girlfriend was so pissed at him for being out late that she
   started throwing things at him. She totally destroyed a Ming dynasty
   vase that had an appraised value of over a half a million dollars.
   Then she went into the garage and started up his new Ferrari after
   dumping sugar in the gas tank.
   
   Lawyer 1 was standing there just shaking his head and crying
   uncontrollably. The other two asked him what was the matter. He said,
   "You guys just don't understand - "Chunks" is my dog!"
   

   Three lawyers met at an upscale nightspot for drinks one Friday night,
   got real plastered and met with unfortunate results on their way home.
   On Saturday, they were comparing notes during a round of golf.
   
   Lawyer 1 said he had gotten so drunk that he became disoriented and
   was very sick. When he arrived home he said that he was in such bad
   shape that he even blew chunks.
   
   Lawyer 2 said he thought he had an even worse experience. He lost
   control of his new BMW and totaled it by driving it into a utility
   pole. Fortunately, he wasn't injured in the crash.
   
   Lawyer 3 claimed his experience was the worst. He said when he got
   home his girlfriend was so pissed at him for being out late that she
   started throwing things at him. She totally destroyed a Ming dynasty
   vase that had an appraised value of over a half a million dollars.
   Then she went into the garage and started up his new Ferrari after
   dumping sugar in the gas tank.
   
   Lawyer 1 was standing there just shaking his head and crying
   uncontrollably. The other two asked him what was the matter. He said,
   "You guys just don't understand - "Chunks" is my dog!"
   

How come Mike Tyson's eyes always water during sex? 

     Mace... 

A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken
to work. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your 
secretary. Why do you call her a doll?" 
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey,
my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you
wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system and is very
efficient." 

"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closed
her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."

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