Today's stories [6.12.07]

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OK one time me and two of my friends went over to another friends

house expecting him to be home but nobody was. We had also 

remembered that his parents were out of town for the week,

so we decided to go inside and wait for him. So I slipped 

in through the oversize dog door. Once we were inside we got

a little bit bored so we decided to leave , but before we did 

I came across a great idea. You see his mom collects teddy bears 

and had hundreds of them placed all around the house. So we gathered 

allmost all of them and placed them in the living room and sat them 

on couches, chairs and the floor all facing the TV.Just then I 

found a videotape of Barny (EVERYONES FAVORITE PURPLE FRIEND)

So we put in the tape and left the remote control in the biggest

bears lap with the volume all the way up and then left.



Later that night we called him and told him that we were coming 

over, he sounded worried. When we arrived he answered the

door with a shotgun in his hand, he was scared shitless.

Turns out that he and his girlfriend called the cops and 

had to explain the whole story, The found nothing,laughed and left.

To this day he dosent understand what happened and sometimes 

we joke around with him about it. Since only 3 of us know about

it there is always new people that think he is crazy.  

Sent by ethan

Corey said the other morning at the McDonald's drive thru the 
Judi asked if he'd like the 2 for 1 apple pie special.   I told her 
yes and then she said, "I'm sorry, we're all out of apple pies."  

                               Bible Bloopers
     
   
[The bloopers found below are said to be written by actual students and are
"genuine, authentic, and unretouched." They were compiled by  Richard
Lederer, and appear in the 12/31/95 edition of  "National Review" magazine.]

It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are retold
by young scholars around the world:

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
world, so He took the Sabbath off.  Adam and Eve were created from an apple
tree.  Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.  Noah built an ark, which the
animals came on to in pears.  Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a
ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.  Samson was a strongman who let
himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.  Samson slayed the
Philistines with the axe of the apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread,
which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned
in the dessert.  Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten
Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The seventh
Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada.  Then Joshua led the
Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.  The greatest miracle in the Bible is when
Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the
Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.  Solomon, one of
David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they
do one to you.  He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles
were the wives of the apostles.  One of the opossums was St. Matthew who
was, by profession, a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.  He preached holy acrimony,
which is another name for marriage.  A Christian should have only one wife.
This is called monotony.
  


  

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