Today's poems [6.5.07]

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There was a young girl named Dalrymple 
               Whose sexual needs were so simple. 
                    She enjoyed the full spasm 
                    Of a perfect orgasm 
               By frigging herself on a pimple. 

There was a gay parson of Tooting 
            Whose roe he was frequently shooting, 
                Till he married a lass 
                With a face like my ass, 
            And a cunt you could put a top-boot in. 

               There was a young colonel from Trent 
               Who lived in a lavender tent. 
                    He said that some sessions 
                    With interesting Hessians 
               Had taught him what war really meant. 

                    The ancient orthographer, Chisholm.
                            
                    Caused a lexicographical schism
                            When he asked to know whether
                            "Twere known which was better
                            
                    To use "g" or "j" to spell "jism."
                            
                                              

Since the girl couldn't type, she was fired;
And asked to explain why she was hired.
"The executive's dong
Is only four inches long.
I thought shorthand was all he required" 

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