Today's jokes [6.9.07]

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What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team?      

They drowned in Spring Training.

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. 

Q: What is the last thing each Tickle Me Elmo doll receives before he 
leaves the factory?
   A: Two Test Tickles 

The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last
test has left his system upset.  Upon making several false alarms to the
bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed
up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly
face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed
sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.  A drunk was walking by
the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing
and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard.
The security guard ask:
"What's going on?" To which the drunk replied: "I just beat the shit out
of a ghost."

Name:______________________________  SOCIAL SECURITY
No:____________________
ADDRESS:___________________________
CITY:__________________________________
STAFF ELEMENT:_____________________  HOME PHONE
No.:________________________
MALE:___________ FEMALE:___________  OFFICE PHONE
No.:______________________
SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Male - Female
                   Female - Female
                   Male - Male
                   All of the Above
                   None of the Above - Please Specify:
_____________________
I CONSENT TO THE FOLLOWING FORMS OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT:
Salutatory Greeting: _____________________
Eye-to-Eye Contact: ______________________
Eye-to-Bust Contatct: ____________________
Eye-to-Below Waist Contact: ______________
Heavy breathing on neck: _________________
                   ear: __________________
                   other: ________________
Hands on body: ___________________________
         shoulder: _______________________
         waist: __________________________
         Gluteus Maximus: ________________
         other: __________________________
Feelies: _________________________________
Gropies: _________________________________
Penetration (however slight): ____________
Other: ___________________________________
All of the Above: ________________________
MISCELLANEOUS:  I WILL          I WILL NOT
1.  Assist in procurement of various potions, lotions, products,
appliances,
    etc. to be used during sexual harassment.
2.  Assist in procurement and maintenance of various types of substaining
    apparatus.
3.  Clean up.
I CERTIFY THAT I WILL ACCEPT SEXUAL HARASSMENT FROM:
Anyone: __________________________________
Anyone But: ______________________________
Only: ____________________________________
SIGNATURE: _______________________________________ DATE:
____________________
This form is to be reviewed by immediate supervisor annually, prior to
performance rating and evaluation.

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