Today's jokes [6.8.07]

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An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and
famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading:
"George and the Dragon."
     He knocked.
     The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.
     "Could ye spare some victuals?"
     The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
     "Could I have a pint of ale?"
     "No!" she shouted.
     "Could I at least use your privvy?"
     "No!" she shouted again.
     The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
     "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
     "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

Armando went to his neighbor and asked, "Hey Carlos, do you 
like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way 
out?" 

"No," says Carlos. 
Armando asks, "Do you like a woman whose teets hang 
almost to her knees?" 

"No," says Carlos. 

"Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so 
mucho grande?" 

"Caramba! No, amigo!" Carlos replied. 

"Theen tell me why," asked Armando, "do you keep screwing 
my wife?"

Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?

Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked 

Q: How did Captain Hook die?
A: Jock itch.

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old 
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As 
she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her 
patience grew thin.  At last she threw a towel around her head 
and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern 
warnings.  As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old 
say with a trembling voice,  "Who was *that*?"

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