Today's jokes [6.11.07]

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   A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.
   
   "What happened to you?" asked his wife.
   
   "I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up in an
   escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt
   was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and she turned
   around and punched me in the eye!"
   
   "I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get
   the second black eye?"
   
   "Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I
   pushed it back in."
   

Two burglars broke into a building and stole a calendar.
They both got 6 months.

Sent by Jimbo

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window. 
He immediately told her to undress. After she had
disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing
so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?" 
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions
or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said
the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or
breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing
now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came
here in the first place."

Emery fixed himself a Scotch while waiting for
Maria to get ready for their date. She came out
of the shower wrapped in a bath towel and said,
"I'm sorry I'm late but I was shopping and lost
track of time. Would you like to see me in my
new dress?"

"I would like nothing better." said Emery. 

A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops
into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the
Madam, drops down $500 and says,
"I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you
could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm
homesick."

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