Today's jokes [6.10.07]

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What's the difference between mono and herpes?

You get mono from from snatching a kiss.... 

Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. 
One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator 
together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was 
completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was 
fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen 
to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still 
look so spry and unbothered when it's over."
The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?" 

Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the dynamic
young preacher raised himself to full height, leaned over
the pulpit and boomed,

"Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have
committed adultery, may your tongue cleave to the woof of
your mouf!"

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the
blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the
driver--"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and 
insane regulations at the department of motor vehiciles, a lady stopped at 
a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a 
baseball bat - to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. 
"Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " 
I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehical bureau. I am way past 
sane!!" "Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you 
going back there?"

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