Today's poems [5.14.07]

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There was a young girl from Devizes
Who had titz of different sizes
        One was small
        Almost nothing at all
And the other was big, and won prizes.

Owed to the Spelling Checker



I have a spelling checker
It came with my PC
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule
The checker pour o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Be fore a veiling checkers
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if were lacks or have a laps,
We wood be maid to wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite,
Of non eye am a wear.

Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft ware four pea seas.
And why I brake in two averse
By righting want too pleas.

The Best!!

A weary old lecher named Blott
Took a luscious young blonde on his yacht.
    Too lazy to rape her,
     He made darts out of paper,
Which he leisurely tossed at her twat.

There was a young woman named Hunt 
At a costume ball, dressed as a cunt. 
She teamed up with Nick, 
Who had come as a dick, 
To perform an xxxceptional stunt!

A poll conducted among INFOCUS magazine readers had established "waka" as the proper 
pronunciation for the angle-bracket characters (<), though some readers held out resolutely 
for "norkies." In honor of computer symbology's increased role in our vocabulary, INFOCUS 
published the following poem , written by Fred Bremmer and Steve Kroese of Calvin College & 
Seminary of Grand Rapids, MI.

>> ! * ' ' #
^ " ` $ $ -
! * = @ $ _
% * < > ~ # 4
& [ ] . . /
| { , , SYSTEM HALTED

The poem can only be appreciated by reading it aloud, to wit:

Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash,
Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash,
Bang splat equal at dollar under-score,
Percent splat waka waka tilde number four,
Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash,
Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH.

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