Today's jokes [5.7.07]

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Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. 
St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one 
question. 

St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the
iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the 
Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. 

St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that 
this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people 
died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, 
"about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." 

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." 

Vicar: Whats that you're doing, Tommy?
Tommy: Sticking bangers up frogs arses, Vicar.
Vicar: Rectum, Tommy.
Tommy: Blows 'em to fucking pieces, Vicar! 

   "What's this I hear about you breaking off your engagement Pam ?" said
   her closest friend.
   
   "Well," Pam confirmed, "although his diamond was of pretty good
   quality, his mounting left a lot to be desired."

Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched 
backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One 
thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows 
when to stop."

        I was once in a nice family-style restaurant when I observed
some kids supergluing the dishes to the table.  They also attached
the silverware, napkins, salt, pepper, etc.  If it wasn't already nailed down,
it was now.  They stayed long enough to let the glue set, and then paid and
left.  They watched as the poor busboy tried to get the stuff off of the table.


        Also funny is supergluing a quarter to the sidewalk.  I know its old,
but in the city, with the diverse types of people around, it gets really
amusing.  I watched this old lady whack at it with her cane for about 10 min.
cursing......

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