Today's jokes [5.5.07]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

I walked up to a really pretty girl at the bar the other night and 
said, "Hey, babe, can I buy you a drink?"

She said, "Do you like sex?"

I said, "Of course I like sex."

She said, "Do you like to travel?"

I said, "Yeah, I love to travel."

She said, "Then fuck off."

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.

   Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren't
   I need you to whip it out by 5:00!
   Mind if I use your laptop?
   Put this in my box before you leave.
   I want it on my desk now!
   Hmm.. I think I'm out of fluid.
   My equipment's so old, it takes forever to finish!
   It's an entry level position.
   When do you think you'll be getting off today?
   It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!
   

Just wanted to check out that you gnarly dudes are using the latest and
greatest software technology fer yer rad code to make it easy for the
dudes who have to read it.  The hip new way to write readable C
code involves the use of a few simple defines.


#define like {
#define man ;}
#define an ;
#define SayBro /*
#define CheckItOut */


SayBro like, this is some rad program, so CheckItOut

like
    a = b
         an
    c = d
man

SayBro , like who needs help from them compiler choads anyway?
THIS is the way to write CLEAR code.  I mean really!  CheckItOut

like SayBro this is ShellSort straight out of the white book, but in
a readable form.

CheckItOut man

#define YoDude for(
#define OK     )
#define is     =
#define AND    &&
#define as
#define Do
#define long
#define some
#define make
#define garbage
#define FAROUT

shell(v, n) SayBro sort v[0]...v[n-1] into increasing order CheckItOut
int v[], n;

like int gap, i, j, temp;

YoDude gap is n/2 an as long as gap > 0 Do some garbage an make gap /=2 OK
    YoDude i is gap an as long as i < n Do some garbage an make i++ OK
        YoDude j is i - gap an as long as j >= 0 AND v[j] > v[j+gap] Do some
            garbage an make j -= gap OK
            like
                temp is v[j]      an
                v[j] is v[j+gap]  an
                v[j+gap] is temp
            man
FAROUT man

SayBro like, B there OB square!  CheckItOut

Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? 

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same 
service.

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   May '07 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31