Today's jokes [5.29.07]

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A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about
10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly.
The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.
"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and
put a gun to my head".
"Jesus Christ! What happened?"
"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"
"Yeah, then what?"
"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"

   This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in
   the door he says,
   rapidly,"Tickle your ass with a feather?" At which point they usually
   ask him what it was
   he said, and he then says, "Terribly nasty weather." They then go off
   looking confused. A
   drunk a few stools down observes this and finally says, "Say, buddy, I
   see what'cher
   doin'-- you're putting people on! When somebody comes in the door you
   say, Tickle your
   ass with a feather, and when they say, What did you say to me? you
   say, terribly nasty
   weather." So the guy says to the drunk, "Yeah, it's fun putting people
   on. Come on down
   here and you do the next one that comes in." The drunk moves down to
   the end of the bar.
   In a few moments a person enters, and he says to her: "Stick a feather
   up your ass? She
   said, ìexcuse me, what did you say?î He says, ìcan you believe this
   fucking weather?î
   

   A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty
   22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear,
   takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
   
   A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, "No
   one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can
   rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend
   over, and I'll do you in the ass."
   
   The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his
   trousers and bends over, and the bear does what he said he would do.
   After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers again and
   staggers back into town. He's pretty mad.
   
   He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same
   bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A
   moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says,
   
   "You know what to do."
   
   Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town,
   and buys a bazooka. Now he's really mad. He returns to the forest,
   sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks
   him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over
   him and says,
   
   "You're not doing this for the hunting, are you?"
   

What's brown and has holes in it?

     - Swiss Shit. 

What do you call a blonde with white eyes?

full up......


Sent by Rob

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