Today's jokes [5.26.07]

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A guy was pulled over by a cop. 
The cop says to the guy  you're eyes are bloodshot
have you been drinking.  The guy says tothe cop
you're eyes are glazed have you been eating donuts

Sent by paul

   A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he
   could buy him a drink.
   "Why of course," comes the reply.
   The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
   "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
   The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's
   have another round to
   Ireland."
   "Of course," replies the second man.
   Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
   "Dublin," comes the reply.
   "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's
   have another drink to
   Dublin."
   "Of course," replies the second man.
   Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you
   go to?"
   "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."
   "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's
   and I graduated in '62,
   too!"
   About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
   "What's been going
   on?" he asks the bartender.
   "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk
   again."
   

During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he 
was falling back during a really fierce battle. "Didn't you hear 
me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?" 

The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir." 

 DAYS
A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts
open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five
bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a
large table.  The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and  they  begin
toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"  Soon, three more blondes
arrive, take up their drinks and the  chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51
days!" Two more blondes show up and soon  their voices are joined in raising
the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"  Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with
a picture under her arm.  She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the
middle and the table  erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around
the table, exchanging  high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51
days!"
The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the
table.  There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the
Cookie Monster.  When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the  bartender asks
one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?


The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes
are dumb and they make fun of us.  So, we decided to set the record  straight.
Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side of
the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days ! " 

How do men sort their laundry? 

     "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". 

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