Today's jokes [5.25.07]

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"Dad, can i ask you something?" 
    "Sure! What about?" 
    "You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think 
    it's just proper that i should own one." 
    "And what is this 'one' you're referring to?" 
    "Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?" 
    "No." 
    "My nipples are already prominent and it 
    catches attention." 
    "Nope." 
    "It will be just proper at my age..." 
    "I said no way...!" 
    "But all of my friends wears.......!" 
    "David! How many times shall i tell you that 
    bras are for girls!?"

he Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas



     On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter
       festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me,

TWELVE    males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual
          drumming,

ELEVEN    pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made
          up of members in good standing of the Musicians
          Equity Union as called for in their union contract
          even though they will not be asked to play a note...),

TEN       melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the
          patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE      persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT     economically disadvantaged female persons stealing
          milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans,

SEVEN     endangered swans swimming on federally protected
          wetlands,

SIX       enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman
          animal products,

FIVE      golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced
          domestic incarceration,

 (Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened
  to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French
  hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native
  habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the
  remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR      hours of recorded whale songs,

THREE     deconstructionist poets,

TWO       Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed
          tree carcasses,

...And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

What part of a woman does a man like looking at best?
The top of her head.

   A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for
   company. There's
   plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing
   alright--but after a few
   months he gets "lonely", if you know what I mean. The pig starts to
   look more and more
   attractive--soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this
   poor guy makes an
   advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost
   bit his leg. One day
   the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it
   turns out to be a dinghy,
   cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman,
   unconscious. He drags her
   to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back to
   health. Finally she is
   well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for
   saving my life. I don't
   know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything,
   just name it." The guy
   thinks for a minute and says "Would you mind taking my dog for a
   walk?"
   

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.

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