Today's jokes [5.20.07]

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BOSSES & TECHNOLOGY

Boss:  "My laptop computer is locked up.  Can you help?"
Dilbert:  "Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to
reboot."
Boss:  "Oh, that's right."
Wally:  "I wonder if he'll ever realise we gave him an "Etch-A-Sketch."

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar one
evening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drink except
that gay guy over there"

About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyone
a drink except that gay guy over there"

The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartender
asks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in each cheek,
go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!" 

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time
excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump 
School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.
"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.
He replied, "No, just a bit apperhensive."
I asked, "What's the diffrence??"
He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

   There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The
   woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they
   couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny.
   
   The husband then donated some of his skin..... however, the only place
   suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks.
   
   The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all
   this was a very delicate matter!
   
   After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
   new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All
   her friends and relatives just raved about her youthful beauty!
   
   She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for
   what he had done. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
   everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!"
   
   He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I get plenty thanks enough every
   time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"
   

Q: What's the difference between American and Serbian pilots?
A: American pilots break ground and fly into the wind!

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