Today's jokes [5.17.07]

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Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.
Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!"

"Play swords?" asked the other.  "How?"  "Simple.  Whip it out, smack
it till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords."

So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking
their dicks together playing swords.

Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions.
"We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums.

The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming
exhausted.  "I'm tired," he said.  He bent over saying, "kill me!, kill
me!!"

Useful Phrases to Know When Travelling in the Middle East



AKBAR KHALI_KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN
    Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.
 
FEKR GABUL ORADAN DAVAT PAEH CUSH DIVAR
    I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie on the floor
    with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
 
SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH DEH GOFTEH BANDE
    I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.
 
AUTO ARREREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH HAST
    It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk
    of your car.
 
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN
    If you will do me the kindness of not harming by genitel appendages I will
    gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.
 
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLEIEH, GHORBAN
    The red blindfold will be lovely, excellency.
 
TIEKH NUNEH OB KHREELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM
    The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I really must
    have the recipe.
 
  Regards,
  MPAGE@bcsc02.gov.bc.ca
  BCSC / DNS

Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated." 
        Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or
what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation." 
        Fred: "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little
embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here.
Will you do it?" 
        Doc says, "Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I 
don't understand it, but OK." 
        He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the
bedside when Fred wakes up.
        "Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks. 
        "It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an
operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple 
task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was 
operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went
ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be
circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my..." 
        "CIRCUMCISED!" yells Fred. "THAT'S the word!!!"

   A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up
   your things. I just won the California lottery!"
   
   Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
   
   The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the
   house by noon!"
   

I admitted to my friend that I hadn't had sex for a while.
My friend reassured me that I won't forget it, cuz sex is
like riding a bicycle.
I know it's been a while, but I don't ever remember pedaling... 

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