Today's jokes [5.16.07]

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The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about 
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time 
came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on 
them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing 
that he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the 
class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the 
blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what 
Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him 
just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that" she said. "But 
what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she 
missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next 
door shot himself." 

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she 
has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the 
sanctity of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wears panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious. Say five Hail Marys, 
five Our Fathers and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar.

Q:  What is your date of birth?
A:  July fifteenth.
Q:  What year?
A:  Every year.

   Did any of you other married guys out there ever wonder whether it's
   better to have loved and lost, than to have loved and won ?

The following is a courtroom exchange between a defense attorney
and a  farmer with a bodily injury claim. It came from a Houston,
Texas insurance agent.

Attorney: "At the scene of the accident, did you tell the constable you had
 never felt better in your life?"

Farmer: "That's right."

Attorney: "Well, then, how is it that you are now claiming you were
 seriously injured when my client's auto hit your wagon?"

Farmer: "When the constable arrived, he went over to my horse,
who had a broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Rover, my
dog, who was all banged up, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt,
I just  thought under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words
to say  I've never felt better in my life.

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