Today's jokes [5.14.07]

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Q: Why did Marshall Applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated?

A: He heard that to be really successful on the Internet you have to work
with UNIX.

   This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a
   problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know
   how to say one thing."
   
   "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to
   have some fun?' "
   
   "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to
   your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house
   and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to
   pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
   saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to
   praise and worship."
   
   "Thank you!" the woman responded.
   
   So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
   house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
   praying in their cage.
   
   The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the
   female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some
   fun?"
   
   One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
   the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
   

A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their 
hands and knees in one of the flower beds. He goes over and says,
"Can I help? Have you lost something?"
"No," says one of the doctors. "We're about to do a heart transplant on
an accountant and we're looking for a suitable stone."  

Attorney to witness: "And where was the location of the 
accident?"

Witness: "Approximately milepost 499."

Attorney: "And where is milepost 499?"

Witness: "About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 
500."

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?

     Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds." 

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