Today's stories [4.14.07]

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Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and 
be willing to get hands dirty.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross 
and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general 
housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

A survey by cosmetics firm Avon revealed that British women 
would rather iron than have sex in the morning.  I've visited 
Britain, and I've got an even better idea for British men and 
women: how about *brushing your teeth* in the morning? 

Illinois State University - As a woman was crossing the stage to accept 
her diploma at a commencement ceremony, something unusual and tragic 
happened. The woman's grandfather fell over, suffering from a heart 
attack. A few minutes later as she was leaving the platform, her 
grandmother had one as well. Consequently, the student notified
reporters that she will not be seeking her master's degree.

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