Today's jokes [4.5.07]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

A college professor's going to bed with his wife. He's not that tired, so 
he's gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he's reading, 
and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun 
spot... "Kitza kitza..."
She says, "Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and 
teasing me like that?"
He says, "I'm not teasing you. I'm wetting my fingers so I can turn the 
page." 

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The
doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is
three times three?" 

"Tuesday," replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's
three times three?" 

"Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did
you get that?"

"Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While
fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have
changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking
about the various problems and diseases going around.
Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems
with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
Grandpa replies, "Nope."
Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?"
Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with a hole in her hand. The
doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was
an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

The blonde said, "Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit
suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a
minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don't want to ruin
it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a
minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don't want to
ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a
minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don't want to ruin them! So
then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is
going to be loud!"

What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common? 

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling. 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   April '07 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30