Today's jokes [4.30.07]

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A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is
sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner!
Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to
gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and 
proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter. After he
finishes the disgusted bartender says "Why in the hell did you shit on my
bar?" The drunk replies "Even Elvis had to clear his throat!"

Sent by Paul

Is there a God?

A billion Hindus can't be wrong.

Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these 
lines to practice:

"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think 
I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare."

Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every 
time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:

"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think 
I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... 
Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"

A boat load filled with Viagra sank in Baltimore Harbor.

They could not get the draw bridges down for a week.

Why are girls like pianos?

When they're not upright, they're grand...

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