Today's jokes [4.21.07]

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   On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim
   wife was bragging about her figure. "You know honey," she said, "I can
   still get into the skirts I had before we were married."
   
   "Yeah ?" the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the
   ball game on TV. "I wish to hell I could."

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. 
"Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let 
you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two. 

"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick 
aspect of it." 

"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?" 

"Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."

Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, "I wish I had chest 
hair like you" So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for 
something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says 
"It will work in about two months." Two months later Bob has no hair on 
his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some 
Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes 
home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks "Why?" Bob says "to grow 
chest hair" Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail 
comin' out your ass!"

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed 
by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from 
the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only 
wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. 

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the 
peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker 
attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and 
tried to get him to settle out of court. 

He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to 
take half of what he was asking. 

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, 
the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his 
success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old 
man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the 
case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the 
caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I 
didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" 

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a 
little worried about winning that case myself, because that 
durned bull came home this morning." 

What the difference between true love and herpes? 

    - Herpes lasts forever 

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