Today's jokes [4.20.07]

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A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.
The officer wants to ask her a few questions.... 
Officer: What's 2+2? 
Blonde: Ummmmm... 4! 
Officer: What's the square root of 100? 
Blonde: Ummmm... 10! 
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? 
Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno. 
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow. 
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she 
got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm 
already working on a murder case!"

"Miss Jones, we can't employ you as a model," the editor from the
men's magazine explained. "It's too obvious that your blonde hair
isn't natural, since the hair between your legs is black." 

The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor's
fingers. 

"What the hell did you do that for!" he exploded. She smiled sweetly
and said, "Look at your fingers. They're turning black, right? And
they've only been banged once." 

Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant?

šššShe blew them both...

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if
he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so
he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta
fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer,
I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to
sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know
the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you
$50!"

This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment
unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first
question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Engineer
doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar
bill and hands it to the Programmer.

Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer "What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The Programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with
his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer
politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks
"Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer
$5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

   A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. For an adventure,
   the father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by
   everything they saw -- especially the elevator at one end of the
   lobby.
   
   The boy asked, "What's that there, Paw?"
   
   The father responded, "Well, Son, I reckon I never did see nothing
   like this in my entire life. I got no derned idea what it is!"
   
   While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment,
   an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed
   a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a
   small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small
   circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch
   the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again,
   and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.
   
   The father turned to his son and said, "Go git your Maw."
   

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