Today's jokes [4.16.07]

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I don't think this whole White House scandal is good for 
parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie, and he 
said we could discuss it tonight in a "National Town Meeting." 

When shouldn't a mountain climber call for help?

When he's hanging by his teeth.

A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the
world's tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable
snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. 
The emergency brakes don't work, the emergency phone
doesn't work, and they both begin to panic. 
The woman screams "We're going to die!", rips of all her
clothes, throws herself on the floor and says to the man
"make me feel like a woman again!" 
So, he pulls off his jacket, throws it on the floor, and
says "pick that up, bitch." 

One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf.
But he couldn't, since it was Sunday. But he
figured, well, it's ok if i just play a little bit.
So he changed clothes and went out into the green.
Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to
Jesus. However, Jesus didn't do anything when he
told him. 
"Aren't you going to punish him?" he asked Jesus. 
"Yes, just wait." he replied.
Just then the pope hit a beautiful hole in one.
"Well, that's not a punishment!" the angel said in disgust.
"Who is he going to tell?"

Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street
interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.

"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said.  "I
don't know any of them."

"I feel the same way," the second man said.  "Only I know
them all."

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