Today's jokes [4.11.07]

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What's Britney Spears' next career goal?

                         To learn how to sing.

   Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on
   him. He asked if they
   wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at
   after they went home
   and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he
   went to see him. He
   asked his friend if he had anything that would keep him hard all night
   long. The man
   laughed and handed him a bottle of pills instructing him not to take
   more than one. Once at
   home, Charlie figured with three women he should take three pills, so
   he gulped them
   down. The next day Charlie showed up at the drugstore to see his
   friend. Asking for some
   liniment, he showed him his dick which was ripped to shreds. In
   disbelief, his friend asked
   if he was sure that he wanted to put liniment on his dick. Charlie
   replied "No,I need it for
   my arms the women never showed up!"
   

                          Recipe for Banana Bread
     
   
        Ingredients:

         2 Laughing Eyes
         2 Loving Arms
         2 Well Shaped Legs
         2 Firm Milk Containers
         1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
         2 Large Nuts
         1 Large Banana

         Method:

         1.  Look into Loving Eyes.
         2.  Fold in Loving Arms.
         3.  Spread Well Shaped Legs.
         4.  Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing
             Bowl is well greased.  Check frequently with middle finger.
         5.  Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.
         6.  Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.

         Cake done when Banana becomes soft.  Be sure to wash mixing utensils
         and don't lick the bowl.

         N.B.  If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.
  

This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her 
he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a 
tooth." The woman then says with anticipated agony, "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather 
have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Well make up your mind. I 
have to adjust the chair."

   It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the
   zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress,
   sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass
   in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.
   
   He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet),
   grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously
   excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing
   the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.
   
   The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play
   along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises
   that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one
   of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear
   the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"
   
   ... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.
   
   Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the
   door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell
   HIM you have a headache."
   

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