Today's stories [3.30.07]

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Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on
the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged
in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly
locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over
300 mph. The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying
Harrier hurtled over their heads. The boys in blue, upset at the damage
to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat
chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have
been more severe. The Harrier's target-seeker had locked on to the
'enemy' radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile
attack. Luckily(?) the Harrier was operating unarmed. 

There's a new church that opened recently in Southern California. It's 
called "The Church of the Divine Helping". 

Communion is an all-you-can-eat affair. They focus on prayer breakfasts, 
community brunches, business outreach lunches, ladies teas, and (of 
course) potluck dinners. The church's motto: 

"God helps those who help themselves."

On a British Airways flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, 
well-off white South African lady has found herself sitting next 
to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to 
complain about her seating.

"What seems to be the problem, Madam?" asked the 
attendant.

"Can't you see?" she said, "You've sat me next to a kafir. I 
can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me 
another seat!"

"Please calm down, Madam." the stewardess replied. "The 
flight is very full today, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll 
go and check to see if we have any seats available in club or 
first class".

The woman cocks a snooty look at the outraged black man 
beside her (not to mention many of the surrounding 
passengers). A few minutes later the stewardess returns with 
the good news, which she delivers to the lady, who cannot help 
but look at the people around her with a smug and 
self-satisfied grin.

"Madam, unfortunately, as I suspected, economy is full. I've 
spoken to the cabin services director, and club is also full. 
However, we do have one seat in first class".

Before the lady has a chance to answer, the stewardess 
continues: "It is most extraordinary to make this kind of 
upgrade, however, and I have had to get special permission 
from the captain. But, given the circumstances, the captain felt 
that it was outrageous that someone should be forced to sit 
next such an obnoxious person."

With that, she turned to the black man and said: "So if you'd 
like to get your things, sir, I have your seat ready for you..."

At which point, the surrounding passengers stood and gave a 
standing ovation while the man walked to the front of the 
plane . . .

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