Today's stories [3.3.07]

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On the door of a Moscow hotel room: 

     If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. 

Allen was in a store that was playing Steve Miller's "Jet Liner".  
He said there was some kid next to him that had the lyrics
completely screwed up and was singing, "Big Old Rat Had A
Light On . . ."

Judges don't always seem to make sense. A man found himself in front of a 
judge on two matters. In the first, the man's wife was trying to get a 
divorce because he was impotent. In the second, his secretary wanted child 
support.  The man lost both cases!

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