Today's stories [3.23.07]

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---- ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) --
A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving 
car's sun roof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" 
by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a 
twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman 
who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw 
twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side 
of the road who she claimed was Jesus. "She started screaming "He's back!, 
He's back!" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof 
of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann 
Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she 
wouldn't wait till I stopped," Willams said. She thought the rapture was 
happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the 
sky," he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said 
Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who 
looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume 
party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and 
released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium which then floated up 
into the air. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several 
of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms 
into the air in frustration, and said "Come back," just as the Williams' 
car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting 
people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband, 
who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else. When asked for 
comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too 
weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

A while back there was a "true" story (urban legend) about a guy
who was interrupted by the doorbell.

Upon opening the door he found some religious nuts who were very
annoying. As he was in the middle of preparing dinner, he'd gone
to the door with a very large knife in his hand.

At some point, he called out to his friends asking if they'd gotten
virgin ready for the sacrifice.  At this point, the callers fled
from the home, never to return again.

My father is an ex-Marine who served in the Vietnam War. He tells me many 
stories about pranks and stuff he pulled, and here is one that stood out.
He was on patrol, in the pitch black night, with orders NOT TO FIRE unless 
an enemy was spotted. In the pitch black night. Well he wasn't about to 
wait until the VK was in his face with a combat knife before he started 
shooting, so he looked around for a reason to open fire. And they found 
one.
In the distance, they heard a Vietnamise bird, nicknamed the 'fuck you' 
bird because of its 'unique cry.'
They got on the radio.
"This is 'Bubbles' (his nickname, another story), we have spotted a gook, 
sir, request permission to open fire."
"Roger, open fire."
They then began shooting wherever the bird was heard. Of course, they 
couldn't just stop there...
"This is bubbles, Requesting airstrike..."
Yup. He called in Willie Peter, Napalm, Airstrikes, 'Puff the Magic 
Dragon' (a large plane with a lot of machine guns that could level an area 
the size of a football field in a matter of seconds.) as well as laying 
thier own steel.
In the morning, the bird was still there. But 30 VK's were confirmed dead.
Needless to say, my father was put in for a commendation. But because he 
wasn't a brownnoser, he didnt get it.

Sent by Bradley

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