Today's jokes [3.8.07]

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    DOUBLE VODKA

   A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six
   double vodka."
   The barman says "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."
   "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
   The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same
   drinks.
   When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came
   back,
   "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
   On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
   double vodkas.
   The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
   "Yeah, my wife..."

Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. 
When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as 
a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his 
new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I 
wonder how the girls are doing?" 

    A guy walks into a bar ... once inside, he realizes it's a
   gay bar, but he decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."
   So he sits down at the bar, and the gay bartender says to him, "What's
   the name of your penis?"
   The guy says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
   The gay bartender says, "I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you
   tell me the name of your penis."
   So the guy looks at the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a
   beer and asks, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?" The man to
   left, with a smile, looks back and says, "TIMEX."
   The guy asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes
   a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!"
   A little shaken, the guy turns to the fella on his right sipping on a
   fruity margarita, "So, what do you call your penis?" The man to his
   right turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because quality is Job
   1", he then ads, "Have you driven a Ford lately?"
   Even more shaken, the guy has to think for a moment before he comes up
   with a name for his penis. He turns to the bartender and exclaims,
   "The name of my penis is SECRET. Now give me my beer."
   The bartender begins to pour the guy a beer, but with a puzzled look
   asks, "Why secret?"
   The guy says, "because it's strong enough for a man but made for a
   woman!"

Father Goose Story No. 7



Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called
Trids.  The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived
on the mountain.  The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him.  They thought
one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary.  So a group
of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could
even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being
dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent
another delagation, this time led by the local priest.  But alas, as they
approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.

The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish.
Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another
land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre.  The
Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain.  The ogre
saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the
mountain.  The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered
why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre.
The ogre laughed and replied:

      "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed.
With a low voice he sad to his wife,
"Maude, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones."
"Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies.
"But I want you to, Maude."
"But why?" Maude asks.
"Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"

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