Today's jokes [3.5.07]

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

The real question is: How much can the light bulb afford to
be screwed for?

An Australian joke...

St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo's 
stroll up.
"Your names aren't on today's list... let me go and ask the Boss" he says.
In God's office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo's, and God
tells Peter to go and tell them to fuck right off.
St Peter takes his leave. 
5 minutes later St Peter runs back into the room and says "they're gone"
God says "the Abo's? Good". 
and St Peter replies... "NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!".

How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style

Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time
selling elephants they haven't  caught, for delivery two
days before the season opens.  Software salespeople ship the
first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an
elephant.  Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them
gray and sell them as "desktop elephants."

Sent by Alex

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil 
McNell from Barra, but anyway..) went to study at an English 
university and was living in the hall of residence with all the 
other students there. After he had been there a month, his 
mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of 
tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).

"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she 
asked. 

"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The 
one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't 
stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all 
night."

"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful 
noisy English neighbours?"

"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here 
quietly, playing my bagpipes."

This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth.

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