Today's jokes [3.21.07]

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Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor
goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex
for the two weeks?"

The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."

"Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor
goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain
from sex for the two weeks?"

The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I
had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.

"Congratulations!
Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor then goes to the
newlywed couple and asks, 'Well, were you able to abstain from sex for
two weeks?"

"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,"
the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took
advantage of her right there."

"You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our
church," stated the pastor.

"That's OK." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Safeway anymore,
either."

A little boy did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher 
asked him why, he said "Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the 
Bull". "How disgusting" said the teacher "I am sure your father could have 
done that" "No ma'm, he couldn't have" said the little sod "It has to be 
the Bull". 

What's the difference between a barmaid in
the evening and a barmaid at night?

A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom.
A barmaid at night is bare and ....


Sent by Jennifer

Whats worse than shit on Olivia Newton Johns face?

Cum on Eileen.

DRINKING SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent 
light strip across it. 
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. 
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, 
stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar. 
  
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts. 
FAULT: You have fallen forward. 
ACTION: See above. 

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