Today's stories [2.7.07]

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[Hickory Daily Record, 12-21-92]
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in
Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside
his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson
.38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my
parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a
romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the
telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a
nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we
didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, 
the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!"
My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends
Were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen embarrassment for
What seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned
a surprise party again.

English comedian John Cleese, of Monty Python fame, was asked to describe 
the difference between British and American people. In reply Cleese said 
that there were three basic differences from the British viewpoint: 

1. "We speak English and you don't."
2. "When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite 
teams from other countries to play, as well."
3. "When you meet the head of state in Great Britain, you only have to go 
down on one knee."

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