Today's jokes [2.9.07]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

You know you're in a small town.....

-  when you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.

-  if you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local
   merchants because you're the first baby of the year.

-  if you speak to each dog you pass, by name ..... and he wags his tail
   at you

-  if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.

-  when the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.

-  if you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.

-  if you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!

A few months ago I saw a newspaper clipping which told of a newspaper in
Illinois (I think...) which ran a story warning consumers that, on such-and-
such day, Illinois Bell would be "blowing the dust out of the phone lines" and
that all phone owners should cover the earpiece of their phones with a bag to
catch the dust.

Bell made them print a retraction, after receiving numerous calls asking
what sort of bag to use ...

People, they is amazing.

At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells 
the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems 
and the resulting strategies. 
One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, 
"Will we have to fight a World War Three?" 
"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general. 
"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. 
"The likelihood is that it will be China." 
The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade 
General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. 
How can we possibly win?" 
"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is 
not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the 
Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews 
have been the winners every time." 
"But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough jews"?

A man goes to his bank manager and says "I'd like to start a small 
business how do I go about it?"
The bank manager leans back and clasps his hands together on his gut and 
replies "Buy a big one and wait" 

Why does a cow wear a bell?
Because his horns are broke!

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   February '07 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28