Today's jokes [2.24.07]

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The following was contributed by Emil:

A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman,
"cor! I've just had my first blow-job and it was great! -- I'll have a
large whiskey please, barman." The man takes his whiskey and downs it. 
"Same again?" asks the barman. "Okay" says the man and downs the second. 
He then orders a third and a forth and downs them both.In fact in total
he downs 27 whiskeys. "Do you want another?" asks the barman. "No I don't 
think so", says the man, "If 27 whiskeys won't take away the taste
I don't think that another one will!"

An eminent teacher and thinker once expressed his philosophy of life 
succinctly. "When it all boiled down to the essence of truth," the 
philosopher said, "one just live by a dog’s rule of life: If you can’t eat 
it or fuck it, piss on it!!!"

Two mates are having a chat over a beer.
"Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?"
one bloke asks his friend.
"No way!" his mate replies.
"Well," says the first bloke,
"do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?"
"Fuck no!" his mate replies.
"Well," says the first bloke,
"what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

Everyone has the same DNA.

   One Fall day, Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse
   slowly drive by. Following the first hearse, was a second hearse which
   was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and
   then about 200 men walking in single file.
   
   Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and
   asked him who was in the first hearse.
   
   "My wife," the man replied.
   
   "I'm sorry," said Bill. "What happened to her?"
   
   "My dog bit her and she died."
   
   Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse.
   
   The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as
   well."
   
   Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, "Can I
   borrow your dog?"
   
   To which the man replied, "Get in line."
   

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