Today's jokes [2.20.07]

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A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech
 corporation.  The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and
 presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up
 against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.

 Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales
 took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his
 wits's end, he remembered the envelopes.  He went to his drawer and took
 out the first envelope.  The message read, "Blame your predecessor."

 The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at
 the feet of the previous CEO.  Satisfied with his comments, the press --
 and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the
 problem was soon behind him.

 About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in
 sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his
 previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope.  The
 message read, "Reorganize."  This he did, and the company quickly
 rebounded.

 After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again
 fell on difficult times.  The CEO went to his office, closed the door
 and opened the third envelope.

 The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

Tombstone Epitaph:

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.

A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problem
of one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were 
planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and I
could not help interrupting.
   "Why not?" said I. "Let her marry a Gentile boy. I'm all in favor of
Jewish girls marrying Gentile boys."
   "Why?" chorused the women.
   And I said, "Because why should the Jewish boys have all the bad
luck?"

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes one nail to hang the picture.

The patient came into the doctor's office, suffering from amnesia.
The doctor asked, "Have you ever had it before?"

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