Today's jokes [2.19.07]

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Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who were
ordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second night
out on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail,
looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really starting
to unwind.
        Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into the
ocean. They came up gasping and spluttering and saw the ship sailing
away from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he had
managed to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperately
treading water. "Hyman!" he called out, "Hyman, can you float alone?"

"Oy vay!" called out Hymie from the dark waters. "Vat a time to
talk business!"

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got
my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?" 

by Woody Allen.

Two Texan are sitting in a small town bar, where one bragged
to the other: "You know, I had me every woman in this town,
except my mother and my sister." 

"Well," his buddy replied, "between you and me we got 'em all." 

When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by 
the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs 
on his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you, 
Miss Bell.  There's only one way you can get along in this 
school without submitting to the sexual advances of the
principal."

"Oh my God!  Well, er, what was is that?"

"I'll explain it, " he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."

Q: What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his
   students?
A: Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once.

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