Today's jokes [2.17.07]

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Mirror, mirror

   A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her
   bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully
   says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four".
   Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to
   enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has
   happened, and in minutes they both return.
   This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: "Mirror mirror on
   the door, make my "manhood" touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright
   flash and both his legs fall off.

How do you change a blonde's mind?

     Buy her another beer. 

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an 
art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one 
contemporary painting caught her eye.

"What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is 
that?"

He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed 
to be a mother and her child."

"Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"

A New York boy was being led through the swamps of
Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't
attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya
carry the flashlight."

   A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had. "I
   was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1000 and the
   tiny ones for $10."
   
   Husband: "What about one my size?"
   
   Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"
   
   Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his wife he'd
   had a dream too: "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight
   ones sold for $1000 and the loose ones for $10."
   
   Wife: "What about ones like mine?"
   
   Husband: "That's where they held the auction."
   

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