Today's jokes [2.16.07]

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On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily
business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a star
of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the
cross wearer and the other was overlooked.
Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he take
off the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs.
"Get this guy, Chaim" laughs the pan handler and turns to his cross
wearing pal, "He's trying to teach *us* how to do business!" 

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, "Where are you going ?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"
"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater
and he said, "Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing
again, I'm  going to get a tetanus shot."

Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently
divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question
to ask and that he shouldn't ask it again.

He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she
wouldn't answer the question and that he shouldn't ask it again.
The next question he asked was why she and Daddy got divorced.
Once again, she told him that it was not a question he should ask
and to not ask that question again. He went away.

A few minutes later, she found him digging in her purse. She asked
what he was doing and as he turn toward his mother, he beamingly told
her he had found all the answers to his questions by looking at her
driver's license.

He said, "Mother, you're 34 years old, weigh 125 pounds and Daddy
divorced you because you got an 'F' in sex." 

Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?

She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and 
a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban 
neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and 
worked their way to the other end. 

At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window 
watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his 
younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the 
truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady 
from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. 
They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men 
running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

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