Today's jokes [2.14.07]

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How big is Bill Clinton's Penis? 

     Not as big as Hillary's 

The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher
to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the
church and said "Whoever is not willing to take a bullet
for Jesus better leave now." More than half of the
congregation jumped up and ran out the door. 

The two men took off their masks, sat in the front row
and said, "Okay, Reverend, you can preach now. All the
hyprocrites are gone."

What did the blind man say when he was handed a cheese grater? 

     - "Thats the most violent book I've ever read." 

What Not to Name Your Dog

Everybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog "Sex". When I went to city hall to 
buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said "I'd like one too." But 
then I said "This is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said "You 
don't understand I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said "You must have been quite 
a kid." When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel 
clerk that I wanted a room for my wife, me and a special room for Sex. He said that every 
room in the place was for sex. I said "You don't understand Sex keeps me awake at night." The 
clerk said "Me too." One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, 
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. 
I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own 
tickets. "But you don't understand," I said. I hoped to have Sex on T.V. He called me a show 
off.

When my wife and I seperated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your 
honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I 
was married Sex left. He said "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me 
and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said I'm looking 
for Sex. My case comes up Friday. 

Little Johnny was in his math's class one day when the teacher
singled him out.
"If I gave you $20," the teacher began," and you gave $5 to Mary,
$5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered.

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