Today's jokes [2.11.07]

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Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led
down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had
given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and
a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning
to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you
please play The Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked,
"Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

Sent by Zena

A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her
cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea
sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and
headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided
with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't
have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a
shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly.
"Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never
live to tell anyone." 

A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in 
Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in 
the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she 
started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,she 
encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. 

In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the 
ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In 
considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. 

He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining 
room and he would see if he could help her.She sat and waited 
for three hours before the doctor reappeared. 

The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" and he 
replied "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental 
Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land 
Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 
recreational area."

Q. Why does Barbara Bush always get on top ?
A. Because George can only fuck up.

Iraqi TV Guide 

MONDAY
8:00    Husseinfeld
8:30    Mad About Everything
9:00    Suddenly Sanctions
9:30    Allah McBeal

TUESDAY
8:00    Wheel of Fortune and Terror
8:30    The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right
9:00    Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things
9:30    Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers

WEDNESDAY
8:00    Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
8:30    Diagnosis: Heresy
9:00    Just Shoot Me
9:30    Veilwatch

THURSDAY
8:00    Mahatma Loves Chachi
8:30    M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00    Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses
9:30    My Two Baghdads

FRIDAY
8:00    Judge Saddam
8:30    Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things
9:00    Achmed's Creek
9:30    No-witness News

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