Today's stories [11.28.07]

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I WAS WITH A GROUP of Air Force officers touring the battleship New Jersey,
and we had to do a great deal of climbing up and down and twisting around
inside the ship. As we emerged onto the deck where we had started the tour,
one of our group exclaimed, "Now I understand why a captain goes down with
his ship. He can't find his way out of it!"


Sent by Lynette

Los Angeles entrepreneur, Poor Innocent Guy David Morgan,
52, opened a new business called Anger Behind Closed Doors.
Clients pay $10 a session to enter a padded room where they
can vent their pent-up hostility by attacking a green dummy.

"How many times do you want to choke someone because they
really deserved it?  And, of course, you can't do it?"
Morgan told the Los Angeles Times. "But here you can do,
say, feel what you want."

After acting on their anger, clients unwind in the 15,000-
square-foot facility's "thought and relaxation area," which
comprises four private booths where they can listen to
soothing music.

Already the SLOTHS are organizing an effort to close Anger
Behind closed Doors.  One SLOTHS spokeswomen said, "When I
yell at my husband or double-bind him, I want him to suffer.
He has no right to go off to this place and vent his
frustrations so he can feel good."

I was on a Reno Air flight from San Jose to Las Vegas and the 
plane was taxiing to take off. The flight attendant came on the 
intercom and said, "For those of you currently reading our in-
flight magazine, please place it back in the seat pocket in front 
of you, as it is for IN-FLIGHT only." Later on, once we were 
airborne, he came back and said, "If you're sitting on the right 
side of the plane, look out the window and you will see big, 
white, fluffy clouds. If you're on the left side of the plane, you'll 
see ... big, white, fluffy clouds. Directly beneath you is...your 
luggage."

Once we landed, he told us to remain seated with our seatbelts 
fastened until we were fully stopped at the gate. Just as we 
were about to reach the gate, he said, "Don't even think about 
it!" He also said, "We have a man onboard who is celebrating 
his 100th birthday and this is his first flight! It is also probably 
his last flight." ('Boo's' from the passengers.) "So please, when 
you walk by the cockpit , wish the pilot a happy birthday."

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