Today's jokes [11.27.07]

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How come Mexico never has a good Olympic team?



      Because all of the mexicans that can run, jump, or swim are in the U.S.

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver
back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a
gesture that the gorilla interprets as an
invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the
fence and takes her to his nest in the pen.
There he ravishhes her and makes passionate
love to her for about 2 hours till he is
tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. 

Her friend visits her the next day and asks" 

Are you hurt?" 

She replies. Of Course I'm hurt, He hasn't
called! He hasn't written!

WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! 

THIS IS SERIOUS! If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal 
Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this 
time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they 
will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the 
United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is 
used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering 
projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the 
Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular 
paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the 
money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps 
mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans 
out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO 
EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. 
"HA!" he snorted. "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can 
grow hair on your chest!" On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her 
panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, "There! I have hair on my 
chest, now buy me the damn coat!" "That's not your chest!" he roars back. 
"Damn right it's my chest!" she argued. "Before we got married, this was 
your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest. Afterwards 
it became our family chest....AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME A FUR COAT...IT WILL 
SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!" 

A young punk gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked, multicoloured
hair that's green, purple and orange.  His clothes are a tattered mix of
leather rags.  His legs are bare and he's wearing worn-out shoes.
 His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewellery and his earring
are big, bright feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly
across from an old man who glares at him for the next ten miles.
 Finally, the punk gets self-conscious and barks at the old man: "What are
you looking at you old fart...didn't you ever do anything wild when you were
young?"
 Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah, back when I was young
and in the Navy I got really drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with
a parrot.... I thought maybe you were my son."

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