Today's jokes [11.26.07]

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The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with
her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be
when they grew up.
A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."
The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they
revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped,
"What did you say?"
The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute."
"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet
Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant." 

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashierand
was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate
New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a
burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.
"He looks like he cantake care of any situation," thought the manager,
and decided, there and then,to hire him. He turned to the first
applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry
yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier.
However,you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the
place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said,
"Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."
"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"
"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."

"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in
common," said the new tenant's neighbor.  "Why on earth
did you get married?"

"I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract',"
was the reply.  "He wasn't pregnant and I was."

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at 
the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a 
replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to 
be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced 
his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the 
best they could do at such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking 
his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to 
the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man 
was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay but 
the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off, and by 
the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach 
cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse till finally he had to excuse 
himself from the state dinner to look for the bathroom. Passing 
through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, 
scratching his rear end and this made him feel even worse. By 
now he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so 
disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the 
bathroom. 

He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he 
finally found a door that opened and as he undid his trousers 
and ran in, he realised to his horror that he had stumbled into 
Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard 
her president whisper in a barely audible voice, "sack my 
cook".

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

   When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake
   City, Utah, a woman
   told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the
   Mormon religion
   where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife." That's
   true," he replied, "as
   a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives."
   "How
   disgusting,"she said,"you should be ashamed of yourself, such
   practices should be against
   the law and you ought to be hung." With a slight grin, he just said,
   "Yes, mam I am."
   

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