Today's jokes [11.21.07]

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   A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the
   usher. "Are you a friend of the bride ?" he asked.
   
   "Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?


                    To get to the second hand shop.

And Jesus said unto his disciples, "Whom do men say 
that I am?"

And His disciples answered unto Him, "Master, 
thou art the supreme eschatological manifestation 
of omnipotent ecclesiastical authority, the absolute, 
divine, sacerdotal monarch."

And Jesus said, "What?"

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in 
the school play. "What part?" the mother asked.
"I play a Jewish husband," the boy replied. 
"Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!" 

   1200 people attended the recent International Psychic Society
   conference.
   
   Moderator: "How many attendees believe in ghosts?"
   (Over 80% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have actually seen a ghost?"
   (58% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many believe that a ghost can be solid?"
   (23% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have ever physically touched a ghost?"
   (3% of the hands were raised)
   
   Moderator: "How many have ever had sex with a ghost?"
   (After some pause one lonely hand at the back of the hall went up)
   
   Moderator: "May I ask where you are from, sir?"
   Attendee: "I am from Australia."
   
   Moderator: "And you say you've had sex with a ghost?"
   
   Attendee: "Oh sorry! I thought you said "goat."
   

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