Today's jokes [11.2.07]

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A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front
of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that
the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the 
fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and 
makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, 
and the lady taken to hospital.

Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?"
she asks.

She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown
had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy," admitted her daughter, "but three girls helped me
catch him.

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to 
get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way 
go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man 
behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" 
The pharmacist answers, "Yes." 
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?" 
Pharmacist: "Of course we do." 
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" 
Pharmacist: "All kinds." 
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" 
Pharmacist: "Definitely." 
Jacob: "How about Viagra?" 
Pharmacist: "Of course." 
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?" 
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." 
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?" 
Pharmacist: "Absolutely." 
Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts." 

After a wonderful night of love making, the young guy rolled over and was 
looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk 
in the distance. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is that your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, she answered, "That's me before the surgery."

Long, but pretty good:


On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the 
following people are suddenly stranded by, as you might expect, a 
shipwreck: 

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 
2 French men and 1 French woman 
2 German men and 1 German woman 
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 
2 English men and 1 English woman 
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 
2 American men and 1 American woman 
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman 

One month later on these same absolutely stunning deserted islands in the 
middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred ... 

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. 

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a 
menage-a-trois. 

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits 
with the German woman 

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is 
cleaning and cooking for them. 

The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the 
English woman. 

The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean, another 
long look at the Bulgarian woman, and started swimming. 

The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. 

The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy, a liquor store, a restaurant 
and a laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply 
employees for their stores. 

The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide because the 
American woman endlessly complains about her body; the true nature of 
feminism; how she can do everything they can do; the necessity of 
fulfillment; the equal division of household chores; how sand and palm 
trees make her arse look fat; how her last boyfriend respected her 
opinion and treated her nicer than they do; how her relationship with her 
mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't 
raining. 


The two Irish men have divided the island into North and South and setup 
a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture because it 
gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whisky. But 
they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.

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