Today's jokes [11.18.07]

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Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the
middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and 
grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. 
After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and 
water.  On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst 
and  starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in 
the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an 
oil lamp (the kind the genies come in).
They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. "POOF" out popped a tired old
genie who said "ok.. so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, 
yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long 
time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE 
wish and then  I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one". The first guy, 
without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we 
can drink for the rest of our lives!!!" "Fine" said the genie, and he 
instantly turned the  entire ocean into beer.
"Great move Einstein!" said the second guy, slapping the first guy 
in the head. "NOW we're gonna have to piss in the BOAT!"

All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a 
young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were 
somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off,
sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. "The weddin's off," he 
shouted, "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering, the guests 
repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for 
free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and 
approached him. "What's the problem?" he asked. "Someone stole a keg of 
beer, and some bastard fucked the bride!", exclaimed the father. The 
guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the 
other farmers. A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled "All 
right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed 
back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, 
and asked "What happened to make you change your mind?"
Grinning sheepishly, he replied, "Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg 
of beer."

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting 
on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of 
fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection 
with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny 
asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?"
His father qiuckly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", 
to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

Q:  Whats the difference between Monica and a Soda machine?

A:  They both have, "incert Bill"!

Sent by Gabriel

This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new
   Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she
   spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in
   preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was
   ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls
   necklace that he admired so much.
   
   She replied, "Well, yes darling, I do. But what in the world would you
   need it for at a time like this ?
   
   He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way
   I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."

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